• Shona Dee

Self-Love: Why it is the ONLY Way to Create Positive Change in Your Life

Self love positive change

When was the last time you felt truly POSITIVE and EMPOWERED?

Five years ago? When you were twelve years old? Never?

Truth is, most (if not all) of us struggle with this on a very deep and subconscious level. And this is never more evident than in times of change, challenge and upheaval – when we are pushed WAY out of our comfort zones, suffering from the effects of stress, and naturally feeling at our crappiest and lowest. When life hasn’t turned out as we’d hoped it would and EVERYBODY else’s life seems way better than ours.

Whilst we do our very best to keep things together the anxiety and self-doubt often creeps in, taking over our psyche and getting the better of us. Everything feels wrong, and SURVIVING each day can seem a monumental struggle – much less THRIVING.

But why do we struggle and suffer so much when life throws us a curveball? Why do we feel that we can’t cope - even though we fundamentally know that we can’t change what is happening around us? We know that we WANT to make positive changes to our lives, but we feel stuck.

There is something lacking, something preventing us from being all that we really want to be, and doing all that we want to do. That thing? SELF-LOVE. Simply put, deep down most of us simply don’t feel worthy or good enough to fully recover from the bad times, and to receive the things we truly want in life. This may seem shocking or harsh, but it is true.

Yet when we consider that we will ALL face some form of change, challenge or upheaval in our lives – it is part of being human after all – doesn’t it make sense that we should all put a little time and effort in to learning how to love and value ourselves? Especially when we consider that the only TRUE power we will ever possess is over ourselves?

We can’t always (or ever) control or change what life throws at us. Our power lies in our reactions - it is how we react and deal with these ‘bad’ situations which will determine how traumatic, painful and long-lasting the overall effects will be. You may have heard this line a bazillion times before, but it’s important that you let it sink in for a moment, because it is TRUE!

If we have a healthy dose of self-love we will naturally fare better when it comes to dealing with ‘bad’ situations. Why? Because when we love and value ourselves, we are more able to:

  • Remain resilient to what is happening around us

  • Trust in our ability to deal with whatever we are going through

  • Place less emphasis on what everybody else thinks we should be doing (or being)

  • Truly know and believe that we will come through the other side intact

What can we do to ensure that we’re truly loving and valuing ourselves? To know that we’ll have the capacity to face adversity, stand up for what we believe in and not give our power away? To trust and know that we will be OK regardless of what happens? To believe that we may in fact be more than OK – that we may actually grow and THRIVE from what we’re going through? Here are some ideas.

4 simple Self-Love strategies you can start trying today:

1. Accept yourself – ALL of yourself

Accept yourself for who you are - warts and all. Celebrate the fact that you were born with traits that are unique to YOU. The moment you accept (rather than deny) the beautiful and flawed being that you are is the moment you become EMPOWERED.

2. Let go of what you can’t CONTROL

We often have little or NO control over outside circumstances. Things will happen to us. Shit happens. The only thing we can really control is our reactions. THIS is where our power lies.

3. Accept - and allow - your FEELINGS

You may have been brought up to believe that certain feelings are ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ and should therefore be suppressed or denied. Yet accepting, and then allowing, our feelings is a fundamental component of loving ourselves. Feelings and emotions usually come upon us for good reason, and can be suppressed for only so long.

4. Stop COMPARING yourself to others

There are truly no winners in the comparison game. There will always always be somebody who seems to have it more together than you – likewise there will always be those who aren’t doing as well as you! When you feel yourself slipping into comparison mode, stop and think for a minute about what you are really doing– you are very likely comparing the WORST of yourself to the perceived BEST of another. Hardly fair, right?

No bones about it – change and upheaval can be hard and frightening. Yet dealt with properly it may also be the thing that propels you into your BEST life yet – as the best version of yourself yet. How to ensure that you are propelled and not destroyed? With an ample dose of SELF-LOVE. It truly is the answer to everything.

I wish you lots of love and the very best of luck, Sista.

Want strategies to help you feel empowered, cope with challenge & heartbreak AND live a life that’s best for YOU?


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