Imagine being almost 40 and married to the person you first started seeing when you were only 20 years old. Life - for the most part at least - is pretty comfortable. The kids are growing and becoming more independent, and you find yourself with a little more freedom. You start wondering what the next few years will be like.
You and your husband start having the occasional ‘date night’ because you are becoming increasingly aware that the kids won’t be around forever, and you want to be sure that you and hubby will be OK without them – that you can entertain each other and be happy together without the constant company and distraction of the kids. Things seem to be going OK. Getting over heartbreak is the furthest thing from your mind at this point.
Then the unimaginable happens. Your husband announces he is leaving. You are completely blindsided by this news and do your very best to talk him out of it. Yes, there have been some signs that all is not well with him – the last few months have seen him a lot quicker to anger, a little more distant, and a lot more interested in (and secretive with) his mobile phone.
But you’d put this change in behaviour down to work stress, or the kids playing up, or whatever. You don’t for a minute think that he’s not happy with you and your life together. That he no longer wants to be married. That he has met another (much younger) woman.
Before you know it, he’s gone. And you are left completely shattered, destroyed and heartbroken. You have no idea how to pick yourself up from the ashes - you have no idea who you even are without your husband.
Maybe you don’t need to imagine – maybe this is your story. It was my story. The details of your story may be different – you may be in your sixties with grandchildren, or you may be in your twenties and going through your first ever adult breakup. The details – the nitty-gritty of your story – doesn’t really matter all that much.
The point is, heartbreak SUCKS. If your relationship or marriage has broken down - particularly if it has broken down UNEXPECTEDLY - you will be going through a range of horrible and sometimes frightening emotions. You may be in denial (this was me), you may be angry (me again) and you will probably be a little, or a lot, depressed (yes, me again).
More than anything, you feel scared of what the future holds. You simply can’t imagine a future without your husband or partner. You feel weak and powerless. You don’t want to feel this way, but you can’t help it.
Believe it or not, it won’t be this way forever. You won’t always feel like this.
And a few crucial mindset adjustments will help you move through the grief (because that is what you are going through – grief) AND come out the other side a whole and complete human being. Really! Many people don’t fully understand what is happening to them when they are grieving, and as a result become frightened, and sometimes almost paralysed, by the experience.
Yet HEALING is one of the most natural processes known to man, and the grief you’re now feeling is all part of the healing process. Your job is simply to ALLOW the healing. This may seem easier said than done – you may feel the best course of action right now is to RESIST what is happening (because it bloody hurts) - but it is absolutely possible to stop the resisting and allow the healing.
I know, I have been there. And yes, it was hard at times. Yet I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t been through everything I have… and not only survived but THRIVED because of it all. It is all about changing your perception of what you are going through, choosing NOT to remain in victim mode, and accepting that you CAN move through the pain into an even better version of yourself.
I honestly thought that I would be married to my husband forever. Once I managed to let go of the idea of ‘forever’ (because I had to let go of something – the pain was getting too damned unbearable to remain in) I truly started to HEAL. It was a long process, and some of it is ongoing but I can honestly say that moving through it - and changing my perception of myself in the process - has been one of the most rewarding things I have ever done.
If you’re currently going through the trials of heartbreak and grief – don’t lose heart. You can and will get through it. Here are some things you can think about doing right now:
ACCEPT that it will hurt. Stop resisting it.
CHANGE your perception of heartbreak (AND your perception of yourself)
Practise SELF-LOVE and care (seriously, how long has it been since you've really done this?)
Learn to separate EMOTIONALLY from your ex
CHOOSE to move past the grief
Would you like to delve a little deeper into these strategies, find out what they’re all about and most importantly how you can implement them into your life? If so, CLICK HERE to get:
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In this guide I expand on these strategies plus more - there are just too many ideas and points to share in one article!
No bones about it - heartbreak hurts. It also undoubtedly and unashamedly transforms you. Don’t be afraid of this. Use it to your advantage. Move through the pain and discover you were MEANT to be. Remember, you were someone before this relationship. Remember who you were, and are, ALWAYS.
I wish you lots of love and the very best of luck, Sista.
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