As humans on this planet, relationships are something that we have to do. We don’t really have a say in the matter, unless we decide to live the rest of our days in a little cocooned cave by the ocean with only seagulls and starfish for company. (And yes maybe this is something I have actually dreamt of from time to time).
Whether you are a wife, a mother, a single woman, or none of the above, chances are you've had at least one relationship – romantic or otherwise - which has had you feeling drained and depleted, and left you questioning your own morals, worth and even sanity as you find yourself continually walked on or trampled over, solely for the other person’s gain.
Maybe this is something you’re struggling with now. An ex-partner who continually crashes through the boundaries you've worked so hard at constructing. A ‘friend’ who cannot take NO for an answer. Or, a work colleague who continues to take credit for hard work and hours that are yours alone.
Or, maybe you’re no longer in this relationship, but you know with a passion that you do not EVER want to feel this way again. You want to feel that YOU are in the driver’s seat of your life and that YOU alone have control over your present and future, over whether you say YES or NO.
If you can relate, there are things you can do to reclaim your power in relationships. I hope these tips help:
1. Look within for validation
We give our power away when we look externally for love and validation. We feel we’re not worthy of finding answers and making decisions and living a life that is authentic to us and our value systems. We may not even know what our values are.
When we can stop this external search for security, we allow ourselves to see the truth. The truth is that we already have everything we need within us. When we allow ourselves to connect with this truth, we become the powerful beings that we were always meant to be. The answers and love we seek flow naturally to and through us, because they were always there.
A good way for us to connect with ourselves and our truth, on a deeper level, is to identify any (outdated) limiting beliefs and fears. Maybe as a child you were taught that it was not acceptable to assert your needs, that your views held no meaning or relevance. Maybe you have a history of bad romantic relationships in which your partners were the domineering forces in the equation, so over time you found it easier to keep quiet and let them call all the shots.
Well, these beliefs are no longer serving you, my lady. It is time to cut them loose – identify them, acknowledge them, and release them. They are no longer you.
Look within and STOP. Stop looking to your partner for reassurance that is not his responsibility to give. Stop looking to the media and celebrity culture for how you should look and act and feel. Stop asking your friends and family for advice and clarification on every little thing. Before you look elsewhere for validation, just stop.
Stop, breathe, and allow the answers to come to you, from a place of love ... from you.
2. Know that people will only treat you as you allow them to
As humans we often find ourselves in ‘victim’ mode and believe that the world - and most of its people - is treating us unfairly. Again, the ex-partner crashing through our carefully constructed boundaries; the ‘friend’ who can’t take NO for an answer; the colleague taking credit for our labours.
But here is the thing. These people do these things because, on some level at least, we allow them to! If we present ourselves as self-doubting and dependent individuals, we will attract the very behaviour we are trying to avoid. People will only treat us with consideration and respect if it is clear that this is the way in which we treat ourselves.
So, set boundaries and stick to them. You will only participate in conversation with your belligerent teenager if they agree to remain respectful to you throughout. You will only discuss matters of your children with your difficult ex via email, and only once per week. (These are examples only!)
Speak up, do what you mean, mean what you say, don’t go back on your word, and always trust your instincts. Have and show respect for yourself, as well as others.
How you view and treat yourself will reflect outwards, BIG time. So, show the world that you are a gorgeous, independent and self-sufficient woman… then watch as the world around you transforms.
Have you ever given your power away? Please, tell me in the comments!
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