RECENTLY SEPARATED? DIVORCED? No longer sure of your place in the world? Not even sure who you are anymore? Mmmm… I can relate.
When I was married, I COMPLETELY lost myself in the role of wife. Whether or not I was happy in my marriage is irrelevant – fact is, I forgot who I was. Who I was, without the labels of wife, mother, partner, blah blah blah. It had never occurred to me not to lose myself in the relationship. The relationship was just who I was.
When that union very unexpectedly ended (his choice – not mine) I struggled find my place in the world. Big time. I just wasn’t sure of who I was anymore. I assigned myself the role of ‘abandoned wife’ for a time – try as I might I just couldn’t accept the idea that I no longer needed the word ‘wife’ attached to me at all!
Of course, this was all part of the grieving process and in time, I managed to find acceptance of my situation. And with a little more time, that acceptance grew into a full-blown love affair with my new life and role as a single woman and mother.
I didn’t have to answer to anyone and the pleasure I found in rediscovering me was intoxicating - quite unlike anything I’d ever experienced before.
Now, I am in another committed and loving relationship. But this time around, things are different. This time, I’ve made a commitment to myself - I’ll never again forget who I am. I’ll never forget that while having a companion and being in love is a beautiful thing, I am a single and whole entity and I don’t need another half to complete me.
With all of this in mind AND because I remember only too well the fear and uncertainty I felt at becoming a newly single woman after seventeen years of marriage, I have devised THIS challenge. Just for YOU.
The I’m a Single Gorgeous Independent Sista – 21 Day Challenge is twenty-one things you can do – ONE NEW THING EACH DAY – to get you well on the way to claiming your RIGHTFUL status as a Single Gorgeous Independent Sista. Good luck with it. Xox.
I’m a Single Gorgeous Independent Sista – 21 Day Challenge
DAY ONE – Start a new book
Self-help / novel / Autobiography – whatever you feel like losing yourself in
DAY TWO – Immerse yourself in a candle-lit bubble bath
Light some candles, fill the tub and then add something beautiful to it. Essential oils, bubbles – whatever makes you feel GOOD
DAY THREE – Write down THREE things you’ve always wanted to do, but never got a chance to do whilst in your relationship
Cooking class / join a gym / travel solo / whatever. Make a plan to do at least one of these things in the next three months
DAY FOUR – Get in the kitchen and prepare something special – just for YOU
You don’t have to cater to anybody else here. It’s all about YOUR tastes and what YOU desire
DAY FIVE – Go somewhere in your city or town that you’ve NEVER been to
I liked checking out the local cafes and shops in the bohemian/alternative area of my city
DAY SIX – Arrange to meet a friend in the next seven days
Just for a coffee and chat. Or dinner and wine
DAY SEVEN – Turn off the TV, crank some tunes from your teenage years. DANCE
I’ve always loved the tunes of my era – the 1990’s! I rediscovered this love in a big way in the early days of my separation
DAY EIGHT – Write a letter to your sixteen year old self
Tell her of your plans and hopes for the future. Tell her that despite everything she’s been through, she will end up OK
DAY NINE – Give yourself a facial
You don’t need luxurious or expensive items to do this. Search your bathroom cupboard – you’ve probably got scrubs and masks hidden away in there. If not, go online and find some natural recipes
DAY TEN – Declutter and dust your bedroom. Turn it into a haven
YOUR haven. Get rid of all the crap that you KNOW you don’t want or need. Buy some cheap (or expensive) candles and trinkets. Make the room YOURS
DAY ELEVEN – Start a gratitude journal
Start listing at least five things you’re happy for, each day. Make it a habit to write in it every night (I’ve seriously got to get back into this habit)
DAY TWELVE – Give yourself a manicure or pedicure
I love shaping my nails, and giving my toes some TLC after a long soak in the tub
DAY THIRTEEN – Clean up your social media. Unfriend people who no longer need to be a part of your life
A MUST. You should instinctively know who these people are – don’t let guilt stop you from doing this
DAY FOURTEEN – Buy yourself some new underwear or lingerie
For no other reason than to make YOU feel good
DAY FIFTEEN – Netflix (or Stan or whatever) binge night
I’m personally (impatiently) waiting for the next season of The Handmaid’s Tale. Anybody else with me on this one?
DAY SIXTEEN – Clean out your bathroom cupboard / toiletries / make-up
Get rid of anything that’s past its use-by date. Make a list of products that you want and/or need. Have fun with this step – I find it both cleansing and rewarding
DAY SEVENTEEN – Get in the car or bus and head for the coastline
Just for the day. Walk along the water’s edge with a take away coffee and allow the water to soothe your soul. You may just have the best night’s sleep of your life after doing so
DAY EIGHTEEN – Write down at least five new healthy habits that you can realistically implement this year
Daily stretching. More fruit. Less Facebook scrolling. More time outdoors. More quality time with my elderly dog. There’s mine!
DAY NINETEEN – Make over your BED. Invest in new bedding/pillows/cushions
This needn’t be an overly expensive exercise. Although I eventually invested in a new mattress after my divorce – this was something I personally felt that I needed
DAY TWENTY – Plan a girls night out with your favourite people
You don’t have to have a massive tribe of girlfriends - I don’t! But planning a night out with my best friends is something I NEVER want to give up
DAY TWENTY-ONE – REFLECTION DAY
Reflect on what you’ve achieved during the last three weeks. Make a commitment to stick with – REPEAT – all of the things that resonated with you. That made you feel more like YOU. Lastly, make a promise to yourself to never give them up.
Woohoo! You made it to the end. Now, to make it easier for you to stick with the challenge (and do it again and again!) I’ve summarised the important bits into a ONE PAGE GUIDE which you can download HERE! Print it up and stick it to your fridge! Or your bathroom mirror!
And just to let you know... I have more strategies, tips and good stuff in my eBook which you can purchase HERE!
Let me know how you found the challenge – or if you have any more beautiful strategies to share – in the comments below.
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